Teacher's Hours

School began just four weeks ago. Since it's start up, most of my work days are 10-12 hours long. Although I personally love teaching, I am still constantly reminded by others of how lucky I am to have June and July "off". This is such a myth. First of all, during June and July we are usually required to spend at least two days in some inservice/workshop to learn new things, develop new skills or simply refresh our teaching. By the first of August we begin to set up our rooms and plan for the year, much of that time is non-contracted and non-paid. Secondly, we are only contracted for ten months. Yes, most of us choose to get our pay stretched out over the twelve months in the year. But we are only paid for the ten months school is in session. I won't even touch the issue of salary, even though our degrees can take more college credits than many fields that get paid double what we begin at. That small two month unpaid break does give us time to rejuvenate and look forward to the next batch of youngsters we help be successful to enter their next year of education. I actually don't know of a more important job than teaching. I know that we rarely know the impact of our labors, but work harder than ever to be successful to every student who walks through our doors. So the next time you begin to tell an educator about his/her summer time off, remember our jobs are not school hours, but much more than that.

To Love or Not To Love

The world is a strange and beautiful place. Love is allusive and sometimes inevitable...at least true love. I feel like I have really only been in true love once in my life and oddly enough, that was not my marriage partner. True love it seems is hard to get over. You continue on with life but all it really takes is contact with that person to know they will always have a piece of your heart and you will always love them.

We all have our faults, and so do those around us. But if you truly love someone, no matter how it ends, eventually you will realize that you will always love them. It may never manifest itself again, but harboring hate or ill-feelings only destroys oneself. Sometimes you just have to live with the fact that loving once is better than never loving at all. All of our experiences lead us to knowing what a good relationship is all about, what true caring for one another can hold, and what we want in a relationship. I, for one, am glad I have that experience and know that I will probably never settle for a relationship that doesn't hold what I once had.

Ins and Outs

I look around me at what makes or breaks relationships and there are so many facets. I see couples stay together through circumstances I can't even imagine. I see lots of married couples who are not happily married but chose to stay together...why? My guess is that the prospect of being alone sounds worse to them than staying where they are. Maybe that's true in some respects. Certainly being single is different. There are times when I wish I could hire an escort to fit in at certain occasions. But having been unhappily married, I choose to be where I am. I remember thinking....I have two choices. I remember asking myself, am I happier being married to this person unhappily, or would I be better on my own even if I never find someone else. I chose the latter and still would today. Maybe that's why I have no man in my life right now. I refuse to be unhappy...especially if the other person doesn't care about making me happy or care about when they make me unhappy.

Then there are those who break up for little or no reason. Just lack of effort or feeling it's easier to move on than say I'm sorry...let's work it out. There are those who think they are never wrong, it's always the other person's fault. They think the other person is too sensitive or should take what ever they get from the relationship and be happy with that.

My thoughts are that in relationships, we should think of the other person in big and little ways. It could be as simple as having their favorite beverage on hand, making cookies, buying a bouquet of flowers at the store, a card, a small gift for no reason...just letting them know that you're thinking of them. It might be choosing to stay away from people or situations that make the other person extremely unhappy. It may be attending an event and putting forth effort when you really wish you didn't have to. It also means trying not to hurt the other person's feelings. I think it is impossible to get along all the time and inevitably you will hurt each other. But it's knowing when you do...that you need to rectify the situation, and really try not to do that. It's knowing how not to make them uncomfortable and knowing how to make them feel comfortable. As my mom would say, it's thinking of the other person before yourself. Not instead of yourself, as we all have needs we need to have satisfied, but working it out so both are happy.

Personally, I think I am a good partner in a relationship. I do think of others, just not to the exclusion of myself too. I do want certain things in a relationship and won't settle not to get those. But I also think of the other person, am a good communicator if given the chance and am willing to try to change things if they bother a person I'm involved with. I forgive easily if my partner is sincere and usually want to work out situations. Finding a partner to do the same seems to be elusive to me though.

Most of all, I think relationships work because both people are committed to making them work. Rarely down the road does it work if only one is committed to that. The balance makes for an unhappy relationship and an unequal balance in the relationship. So why then are they so hard to find? That is a better question.

Baggage

Every time I get in a new relationship, I see the baggage issue come about. You swear it won't matter but something triggers a reaction and boom...there it appears. Yes, you shouldn't base one relationship, partner on another, but if you have had more than a few, you carry baggage without realizing it.

Recently the guy I'm seeing wanted to have a "talk". Usually that means...hey...I'm backing out of this relationship. Although I'm still not sure...it envoked all this emotion in me. The fact that I had run into an ex probably didn't help. First of all...he never talked...well rarely. So the fact that this guy even wants to discuss things so they don't become issues is a new avenue. We'll see.

Baggage...I know I have it. I even know what it is. But it seems unavoidable...just comes with the territory.

When "I'm sorry" is not enough

Sometimes "I'm sorry" is not enough. People will think that is all it should take, but those two words are often overused without any thought put in them...therefore, "I'm sorry" is just not enough in certain circumstances. The question then becomes, when is "I'm sorry" not enough?

"I'm sorry" is spoken many times in our lives. All humans make mistakes and most of us know we learn from those mistakes. This is how we become better people ourselves. "I'm sorry" alone is perfect for those little mistakes we all encounter. The unintentional bumping in to someone, stepping on their toes or even knocking something of theirs on the floor. But in other incidents, sometimes "I'm sorry" simply isn't enough.

Those incidents are known immediately because we realize we have hurt someone's feelings. We may not even understand why at young ages but as we grow more mature, we recognize those incidents without fail, intentional or unintentional.

As a teacher, one of the first class lessons we talk about in the beginning of the year is what "I'm sorry" means and how to properly tell someone we are sorry. This lesson is practiced and used throughout the year and hopefully something they carry on in life when they need it. Many, however, have never been taught how to really say they are sorry and simply use this phrase to pacify a situation. They expect those words will have instant healing without really putting any thought behind how they are delivered. The words then can become blase and meaningless.

So some of you may ask...how do you apologize in these circumstances? Once you realize you have hurt someone's feelings, a proper "I'm sorry" is required. This apology first and foremost is done face to face, making eye contact. By doing this, it shows sincerity and meaning. It shows them that their feelings are important to you. It is not just a simple saying of the words "I'm sorry". You must tell this person what behavior you are sorry for and what you intend to do so that their feelings aren't hurt in the same way again, thus making a plan of action or a goal. You should acknowledge their feelings as well. If the person is so angry that this is not possible, you can and should do this by another means. Quite possibly a card, flowers, balloons or a thoughtful something that lets them know you are thinking of them. This is not a bribe nor does it replace the apology that still needs to be made. Most always, they will cool off and then the proper "I'm sorry" can be administered. Be aware that walking away with an attitude of, I said I'm sorry and that should be good enough, is not acceptable and shows insincerity, a lack of character and conviction. Likewise, we truely need to try to not be repeat offenders of distructive behaviors. Constant repeating of "I'm sorry" with no learning involved shows an insincere apology.

Luckily this is a lesson I learned early in life along with others. Whether a person apologizes sincerely or insincerely, I, without fail will forgive them. The insincere apology goes noted and usually damages the relationship. The sincere apology goes a long way, even if it appears later than it should. The reason for this is that I have learned that holding a grudge against someone hurts me and my well being just as much. Hate, anger and grudges eat away at one's energy and damages one's soul, something I have no desire to consume myself with. So...when you're sorry..say it like you mean it and make that effort count!

Life's Ponderings this week

Sometimes I think I am too nice for my own good. People treat me disrespectfully and I feel bad about making them feel bad. Yet, I need to stick up for myself, set my expectations and let them know how I feel. Catch 22 I guess. Anyway, I think you have to talk to people about things, hope they want to work things out with you and go on from there. I try to do that respectfully, and fight fairly. Yet I tend to forgive so very easily and sometimes try too hard. I do this in my work life and my personal life...with friends, lovers and coworkers. The good thing is I am proud of who I am. I also have the pride of knowing that I take time to explain and let those respond. I think I am fair, make fair assessments of situations and I think I have my act together in most aspects. People let me down but I still believe in people.

I do think past plays into our feelings,reactions and those who care..take time to consider that. Wishing that more of the people I see in relationships look at what's most important and treasure it. We are all different, but thinking of others before yourself is hard to find these days. An old friend recently gave me a complement, saying I am one of the most "put together" people they know. Another trait of mine...I keep most things to myself , put a smile on my face and keep on keeping on!

Arrogance

It sometimes amazes me when I see an arrogant person. I am a confident person, but by no means perfect, nor do I desire to be. You see, making mistakes is how we learn. I have to admit I do pride myself on trying not to open my mouth if I am ignorant or uninformed on a matter. I do think most of the time, I try to be right if I discuss things. But what continues to amaze me is the number of people who have to boost their own ego by putting all others down. Who never admit mistakes and therefore, are arrogant beyond their means.

I experienced this first from my father, now deceased. He was arrogant, never wrong, yet lonely in the end. He never lost my love, but ceased to have my respect because of his arrogance. He was a hard working blue collar man, not educated past his high school diploma, but demanded that all in the household obey his "laws" regardless of their validity. When it got to the point that his rule became ridiculous, it tore the family apart. His pride and arrogance separated him from the rest of us eventually...

Since him, I see arrogance as a weakness. Usually accompanied by a person who needs to put others down to make themselves feel better about their own being. They may be intelligent, but lack self confidence in some aspect. They are ruthless to some, sometimes demanding, putting themselves above all others. For some it may be they feel superior because they have money and they equate that with power. Others may feel they have superior brainaics over another. The one quality I see in them, is they are unable to laugh at themselves or be realistic in looking at humankind. We all mess up, do silly things. Being able to laugh at oneself and accepting of your good and bad strengths is a truely balanced person. Those unable to do that are truely at a disadvantage. Realizing that there are many ways to be intelligent and being able to laugh at your ignorance in whatever field that may be...is truely intelligent!

Family Finds

Sometimes I overlook how fortunate I am to have such an unusual, wonderful family. No, we don't always get along or see eye-to-eye on things, but we have lots of attributes most families are without. My siblings and I grew up probably somewhat impoverished but never really knew that or felt like that. I can't remember a Christmas or birthday that didn't leave me feeling special and lucky.

The backbone of the family is my mom. She is such a special person! I've been fortunate that we've always been close, even when I was a rebel teen. She makes the holidays special and never ceases to amaze the family with her traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts. The gatherings are her home are always full of fun, warm memories. Her life has not been easy but she makes the best of all situations. Although she's 77, she still plays games with the great grandkids and even tried "Guitar Hero" with the rest of us this Christmas.

My siblings and I are different in many ways. Yet, any given one of us would be there for one another. We all have some of the same characteristics. When we all meet together, there will always be stories and laughter.

Then there is my personal family...my kids. When I reflect on them and their accomplishments, I feel lucky and very successful. As a single mom with many "strikes" against all of us, I would say we've overcome them all and beaten the odds. We celebrated my "baby" graduating from college this December. All three of them not only hold degrees, but put themselves through college. They have a great work ethic, have great personalities and even get along well with each other.

I listen to others talk about family gatherings...dreading them...bored through out their duration. I can't say my family is like that. We laugh at ourselves and each other. We work hard, play hard and embrace life. I don't know how long we'll be blessed to gather together to make these great family memories...but I do know...I'm lucky to be in my family!!

Blog Writing...

After reading other blogs, and attending workshops on blogs...I have finally launched my own! It seems as if blogs are somewhat an online diary. Maybe not for your most intimate thoughts, but never-the-less a personal insight into personal thoughts and feelings. I've always enjoyed writing, and we'll see how this works out for me.

My college professors would tell me that I should write a book...perhaps this will be the start. Many writers think that you need pictures, quotes and eloquent words to be a successful writer so that others will long to read your words. As an educator and an avid reader...there are all sorts of reasons writers are successful. First, it depends on what you enjoy reading. But most importantly it is passion from whence good writing appears. It is an ability to communicate to all people and emotion triggers the passion of a writer. Given passion, great writing comes forth in your voice.

I once knew a very successful saleswomen. When asked her secret to selling, she simply said..."It's emotion... You have to find the emotion that moves that person." Writing is like that too. If your writing makes one reflect, think and ponder, then you are successful. I hope to do that from time to time. If you don't like what I write, simply quit reading! If it makes you think, then congratulate yourself in growing as you read!