Ins and Outs

I look around me at what makes or breaks relationships and there are so many facets. I see couples stay together through circumstances I can't even imagine. I see lots of married couples who are not happily married but chose to stay together...why? My guess is that the prospect of being alone sounds worse to them than staying where they are. Maybe that's true in some respects. Certainly being single is different. There are times when I wish I could hire an escort to fit in at certain occasions. But having been unhappily married, I choose to be where I am. I remember thinking....I have two choices. I remember asking myself, am I happier being married to this person unhappily, or would I be better on my own even if I never find someone else. I chose the latter and still would today. Maybe that's why I have no man in my life right now. I refuse to be unhappy...especially if the other person doesn't care about making me happy or care about when they make me unhappy.

Then there are those who break up for little or no reason. Just lack of effort or feeling it's easier to move on than say I'm sorry...let's work it out. There are those who think they are never wrong, it's always the other person's fault. They think the other person is too sensitive or should take what ever they get from the relationship and be happy with that.

My thoughts are that in relationships, we should think of the other person in big and little ways. It could be as simple as having their favorite beverage on hand, making cookies, buying a bouquet of flowers at the store, a card, a small gift for no reason...just letting them know that you're thinking of them. It might be choosing to stay away from people or situations that make the other person extremely unhappy. It may be attending an event and putting forth effort when you really wish you didn't have to. It also means trying not to hurt the other person's feelings. I think it is impossible to get along all the time and inevitably you will hurt each other. But it's knowing when you do...that you need to rectify the situation, and really try not to do that. It's knowing how not to make them uncomfortable and knowing how to make them feel comfortable. As my mom would say, it's thinking of the other person before yourself. Not instead of yourself, as we all have needs we need to have satisfied, but working it out so both are happy.

Personally, I think I am a good partner in a relationship. I do think of others, just not to the exclusion of myself too. I do want certain things in a relationship and won't settle not to get those. But I also think of the other person, am a good communicator if given the chance and am willing to try to change things if they bother a person I'm involved with. I forgive easily if my partner is sincere and usually want to work out situations. Finding a partner to do the same seems to be elusive to me though.

Most of all, I think relationships work because both people are committed to making them work. Rarely down the road does it work if only one is committed to that. The balance makes for an unhappy relationship and an unequal balance in the relationship. So why then are they so hard to find? That is a better question.