When "I'm sorry" is not enough

Sometimes "I'm sorry" is not enough. People will think that is all it should take, but those two words are often overused without any thought put in them...therefore, "I'm sorry" is just not enough in certain circumstances. The question then becomes, when is "I'm sorry" not enough?

"I'm sorry" is spoken many times in our lives. All humans make mistakes and most of us know we learn from those mistakes. This is how we become better people ourselves. "I'm sorry" alone is perfect for those little mistakes we all encounter. The unintentional bumping in to someone, stepping on their toes or even knocking something of theirs on the floor. But in other incidents, sometimes "I'm sorry" simply isn't enough.

Those incidents are known immediately because we realize we have hurt someone's feelings. We may not even understand why at young ages but as we grow more mature, we recognize those incidents without fail, intentional or unintentional.

As a teacher, one of the first class lessons we talk about in the beginning of the year is what "I'm sorry" means and how to properly tell someone we are sorry. This lesson is practiced and used throughout the year and hopefully something they carry on in life when they need it. Many, however, have never been taught how to really say they are sorry and simply use this phrase to pacify a situation. They expect those words will have instant healing without really putting any thought behind how they are delivered. The words then can become blase and meaningless.

So some of you may ask...how do you apologize in these circumstances? Once you realize you have hurt someone's feelings, a proper "I'm sorry" is required. This apology first and foremost is done face to face, making eye contact. By doing this, it shows sincerity and meaning. It shows them that their feelings are important to you. It is not just a simple saying of the words "I'm sorry". You must tell this person what behavior you are sorry for and what you intend to do so that their feelings aren't hurt in the same way again, thus making a plan of action or a goal. You should acknowledge their feelings as well. If the person is so angry that this is not possible, you can and should do this by another means. Quite possibly a card, flowers, balloons or a thoughtful something that lets them know you are thinking of them. This is not a bribe nor does it replace the apology that still needs to be made. Most always, they will cool off and then the proper "I'm sorry" can be administered. Be aware that walking away with an attitude of, I said I'm sorry and that should be good enough, is not acceptable and shows insincerity, a lack of character and conviction. Likewise, we truely need to try to not be repeat offenders of distructive behaviors. Constant repeating of "I'm sorry" with no learning involved shows an insincere apology.

Luckily this is a lesson I learned early in life along with others. Whether a person apologizes sincerely or insincerely, I, without fail will forgive them. The insincere apology goes noted and usually damages the relationship. The sincere apology goes a long way, even if it appears later than it should. The reason for this is that I have learned that holding a grudge against someone hurts me and my well being just as much. Hate, anger and grudges eat away at one's energy and damages one's soul, something I have no desire to consume myself with. So...when you're sorry..say it like you mean it and make that effort count!

Life's Ponderings this week

Sometimes I think I am too nice for my own good. People treat me disrespectfully and I feel bad about making them feel bad. Yet, I need to stick up for myself, set my expectations and let them know how I feel. Catch 22 I guess. Anyway, I think you have to talk to people about things, hope they want to work things out with you and go on from there. I try to do that respectfully, and fight fairly. Yet I tend to forgive so very easily and sometimes try too hard. I do this in my work life and my personal life...with friends, lovers and coworkers. The good thing is I am proud of who I am. I also have the pride of knowing that I take time to explain and let those respond. I think I am fair, make fair assessments of situations and I think I have my act together in most aspects. People let me down but I still believe in people.

I do think past plays into our feelings,reactions and those who care..take time to consider that. Wishing that more of the people I see in relationships look at what's most important and treasure it. We are all different, but thinking of others before yourself is hard to find these days. An old friend recently gave me a complement, saying I am one of the most "put together" people they know. Another trait of mine...I keep most things to myself , put a smile on my face and keep on keeping on!